Eleven Minute Apple

The last visit to the market yielded an amazing find: the honeycrisp apple. Seriously, these are bigger than my fist, and quite delicious to boot. They do, however, take a considerable amount of time to consume. Like eleven minutes. I know because I measured.

The 50-50

Ingredients: peanut butter, fruit preserves (raspberry, by far the best), Nutella, bread

Step One: Lay out ingredients on your stove in a appealing manner.


Step Two: Apply a healthy dose of peanut butter to one piece of the bread, then apply an equally healthy dose of Nutella to the other.


Step Three: Apply liberal dollop of fruit preserves to the peanut buttered piece of bread (yes, this matters. Doubts? Go ahead and try putting the preserves on the Nutella, just don't complain to me when your sandwich is ruined). It helps to kind of stir up the preserves a bit in the jar, so they're easier to spread once they make contact with the bread.


Step Four: Seal the pieces together. This should feel very satisfying, especially if you were extra careful to line up the slices of bread.


Oh big deal, you might think. It's just a regular pbj with Nutella. Negative. A true pbj requires peanut butter on both pieces of bread. To simply add Nutella to that would be a disaster--the sandwich would be too thick and the luscious taste of the Nutella would be drown out by an overwhelming ocean of peanut butter. No, The 50-50 is calculated to give you the best mixture of the three ingredients, letting them each shine under their own spotlight before joining together center stage for the chorus line. Or something to that effect...

Breakfast Revolution

It has been some time since the last update, and in that some time much has changed. For me anyway. And only really from a culinary standpoint. Specifically, breakfast. I used to be a bagel and cereal guy, through and through. Onion bagel, strawberry cream cheese. Crispix, Rice Crispies, Honey Nut Cheerios, Special K. Those days are over. A revolution has swept the desolate land that was my kitchen and with it a new menu has usurped the old. Behold, the Triangle of Power:
(note: due to a poor understanding of page format, the Triangle of Power will not be visually represented by an actual triangle. Instead, it's more of a three-point-column-of-power. Or something like that.)

Yogurt + Fruit + Cereal

For the yogurt, I go with a rotation of vanilla, blueberry, and a wild card (usually raspberry or strawberry, sometimes black cherry). For the fruit, it's always strawberries and usually blueberries with an occasional appearance by raspberries. For the cereal, mostly I choose Grape Nuts (or the Safeway brand, which is cheaper and better), though sometimes I opt for granola or some other random cereals. The key is to add some crunch, to vary the texture. Also, if I'm feeling saucy, I'll dollop (more like drown) on some honey.

English Muffin + Poached or Scrambled Egg + Half Avocado

The English Muffin (toasted, of course) is an oft-overlooked breakfast staple. Not as calorically dense as a bagel, it still satisfies that need for breakfast bread. And they make me feel like I'm English, which is cool. The egg (usually poached, thanks to this) adds a good dose of protein, and, when poached and placed on an English Muffin, brings a lot of class to the breakfast hour. The avocado, of course, adds color and mixes well with the egg.

Nutella + Toast

Quickly becoming the essential ingredient for breakfast. Nutella is amazing. Seriously. It's so amazing it deserves another picture, right here:

Seriously, how can you not want to slather this magnificent substance over every edible surface? But, yes, some Nutella smeared over a crispy piece of toast. Simple, but I challenge you to find something as effective as this for a sweet counterpoint to any breakfast. That was a rhetorical challenge, though.

So, in lieu of the ol' bagel'n'cereal routine, each morning I pick two of the three elements from the Triangle of Power and enjoy a magnificent morning feast. Though sometimes, every now and then, I have all three. And just like that, my day is successful before I leave home.

Cupcakes

Cupcakes are sad. More on why later.

The Bagel Debate

Bagels are good food. This is not up for debate. Circular foods are pretty wonderful, and a bagel is circular in two dimensions. Wrap your mind around that. The method in which one eats a bagel, however, is a curious topic. Specifically, when a bagel has been cut in half, to promote the application of some sort of flavored spread, which half should be eaten first? Or should the two halves be re-assembled and eaten as a whole? To clarify, I consider the bottom of the bagel to be the side that contacts the pan when baked, and the top to be the more rounded, non-pan-contacted side.

Personally, I think one should eat the bottom first. The top is probably the best side of the bagel. More circular, more distinctly shaped. More importantly, it is completely untouched and unaltered by contact with the baking pan and is therefore more pure. The bottom, yeah, it's still good, but it's got that flatness to it, which is something like a flag waved in defiance of true bageldom. By eating the top first you experience all the bagel has to offer too soon and have nowhere to go--there is no progression to the meal. However, if you eat the bottom first, you get to experience the taste of the bagel, but still have the more aesthetically pleasing half to eat, thus concluding your meal with the best the bagel has to offer; it is a logical progression. And progression is a key element to fine dining.

Putting the halves back together and eating them as a whole, though, that's no good. It's a desperate act to finish the meal quickly. Maybe you're out the door and in your car and on the highway and can't be bothered with separate halves so you smash them together and shove the chewy bread roll down your throat without any though, any ritual. No, if you are going to take the time to separate a bagel into two pieces, spread some delightful spread over their exposed interiors, then you can take the time to eat them individually, to give each of them a chance to show you what they've got. Unless, of course, you've made a sandwich out of your bagel...but that is a discussion for another time.

Half-Fast Subs

To celebrate the end of the school year I walked over to Half-Fast Subs after submitting my final portfolio. I've been meaning to eat there for some time.
The Experience: being a little past noon on the last day of the semester, the place was understandably busy. Like, wait in line for twenty-three minutes busy. Really. However, I was committed to the cause and stuck it out. I'm sure if it wasn't for the overwhelming sense of relief and freedom that comes with the end of the semester I would not have been as contented as I was, and probably would have gone to any of the other sub shops nearby. I payed $9.87 for my sandwich, which is pretty ridiculous, though at 14" long that comes to about $0.70 an inch, which doesn't seem too bad. Note to future sandwich shop owners: instead of offering different sizes of bread, you should just charge a fixed rate per inch of sandwich.
The Sandwich: I went with the turkey avocado, as I felt it would be a good 'standard' for comparison to other sandwiches. Also, I'm a sucker for avocado. Other ingredients: french bread, mayo and tomatoes. There were supposed to be sprouts, which I would have liked, but apparently the FDA is advising against serving sprouts due to a salmonella outbreak. The sandwich comes with mozzarella, but I declined that option as I'm not much of a cheese enthusiast. At first I was excited about the possibilities of a 14" sandwich, but when the monster was delivered to my hands I realized what I had gotten myself into. Usually I'm not one to back down from culinary challenges, but after eating the first half I knew there was no way I could delve into the second half for a matter of hours. There was at least one full avocado on the sub (at most places you only get half) and a very decent portion of turkey, and when combined with the bread (which was the perfect thickness; just enough to hold the insides in place and add to the texture of each bite) made for a hearty meal. It came in a tinfoil wrapper that made for convenient storage of the second half. I really would have liked to have the sprouts, but as it was I was quite pleased with the taste. The turkey actually tasted like turkey and looked less like a condensed flap of processed meat and more like something you'd get off the actual bird. The avocado was delightful, though it was cut too thickly and placed on the outside edge of the bread (which wasn't cut all the way through, keeping it much more intact than if it were completely separated) and as a result was smooshed out the end of the sandwich with each bite. So a little messy, yeah, but smooshing is a risk you take with avocados. Other than the avocado, everything stayed in place, until the last inch or so, when everything started to seep out the back. There should be some way of injecting ingredients into a sealed loaf of bread, to keep this from ever happening. Anyway, it was messy, but in no way unmanageably so.
The Rating:
general:*
structural integrity:
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness: *
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***

Next time I'd go with the 7", definitely, and only then if the line was no more than half as long as it was. The sprouts might have bumped up the ingredients rating, maybe.

Things I've Eaten While Driving

Warning: eating and driving is dangerous and not recommended by Mental Mastications or the Highway Patrol, but probably your insurance agent. But I am a trained professional, so it's okay.

Recently:
soft tacos -- from Del Taco. Casual.

burritos -- from Chipotle and Big City Burrito. Chipotle was pretty casual, though constantly having to tear off the foil wrapper grew bothersome, and it was raining enough to make the experience all the more exciting. There is nothing like racing down a wet highway at 78 miles per, a driving rain obscuring the view of the road, clutching a massive vegetarian burrito in both hands, changing lanes and steering with the knees and avoiding globs of guacamole dripping out the bottom of the tortilla. Big City, on the other hand, was a bit more difficult. Mainly due to the extreme amount of ranch dressing seeping out of the bottom of the burrito. Again, the foil was bothersome, but not hindering. Messy, but not difficult to manage. Fortunately road conditions were normal.

sandwiches -- many, of varying degrees of difficulty. While mostly casual, a few were more challenging. A sandwich from Heidi's was prone to falling apart and only the wrapper in my lap saved my clothing from chipotle-mayo exposure. Also, the pickle was quite drippy. A tuna sandwich I made myself proved to be the most aggravating, as I did not drain the tuna well enough and much tuna-juice was rained into my lap. Nevertheless, in terms of driving difficulty, casual.

yogurt + granola -- fairly casual, as yogurt is not as fluid as cereal and therefore more manageable. By using a small bowl I was able to hold it and the wheel in my left hand, with my right handling the spoon and gearshift. With this tactic I was able to keep my eyes on the road, using my peripheral vision to guide the spoon to the yogurt.

cereal -- not recommended. The possibility for total disaster loomed overhead at all times, and while I was able to avoid any milk spillage, the amount of attention diverted from the road to the bowl of Crispix was probably quite dangerous. Add in a manual transmission (which I have) and you have a lovely (and tasty) recipe for disaster. If I die in a car wreck I'd rather not be covered in a dairy product, but I do really love Crispix and wouldn't mind having that be my final meal.

pizza -- casual.

various bars -- supremely casual.

More to come. Again I must remind you, don't eat and drive.

New Direction

The sandwich chronicle has gotten out of hand and become something of a burden to keep up with. So, instead of monitoring every sandwich I eat, I will instead make a list of sandwiches/sandwich shops that require my attention. Then I will simply move down the list and report my findings. First up:

Jason's Deli:
I had a turkey sandwich on whole wheat ciabatta with field greens (fancy term for lettuce), tomatoes, guacamole and melted swiss. I'm a sucker for avocados and, by association, guacamole, so this was a natural choice. I was a little disappointed by the portions (too small for a serious lunch) but at the same time it was refreshing to see a restaurant not dish out ridiculously oversized meals. The sandwich, especially the second half, didn't hold up very well in the structural integrity department, a result of the guacamole no doubt. However, the turkey was warm and the cheese melted while the guac remained chilled, which was a good trick. The sandwich looked pretty good, though excess guac sometimes dribbled out of the ends--a negative. There were toothpicks speared through each half of the sandwich, but they still didn't hold the sandwich together, which was the biggest detractor, I think. Overall, a decent sandwich.

general: *
structural integrity:
ingredients: *
effectiveness: 1/2
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***

Bruegger's Bagels:
Ever since I moved to Denver in 97 I've held Bruegger's as the gold standard for bagels and bagel sandwiches, and I've been meaning to put them to the test since I started on this sandwich journal adventure. I thought that I would find Bruegger's greatness to be more of a sentimental thing, but they delivered a fantastic chicken salad sandwich. Fantastic like four stars, yeah. The bagels were very fresh and very perfect--texture, color, size and shape were all top notch. The chicken salad had almonds and dried cranberries in it, which was a delightful and sweet touch, though perhaps a bit too much mayo, as it was a bit too soupy to remain inside the confines of the halved bagel. Though, for the most part, the structural integrity was better than I expected. The aesthetics were solid--the tomatoes were nice and red and contrasted well against the color of the bagel and chicken, and as I mentioned earlier the bagels were well and uniformly shaped. There was just enough chicken salad to make the sandwich a good size without having most of the innards squish out the ends with each bite. I got two sandwiches, with the intention of saving one for dinner, but I found my hunger unsatisfied by the first, so I was compelled to eat both. So it looses something there, from the effectiveness category. Otherwise, an amazing sandwich. I dare say the best yet.

general: *
structural integrity: 1/2
ingredients: *
effectiveness: 1/2
aesthetics: *
total: ****

Notice that this one scores points in every category. I think it is the first sandwich to do so.

More pies

pie night has lately become a weekly staple. it seems few things are more appealing than a freshly baked pie and a movie. after just a few nights the 'pie assembly line' concept has emerged. with some practice, a pretty good apple pie can be assembled in about 20 minutes. 

1) first, the crust is made using a concoction of oil, water, flour, salt and 5 drops of vinegar. (5 drops is important, though I don't know why.)

2)apples are cored, peeled and sliced into slinky like objects using a handy apple-peeling-coring-slicing-machine. This is key.

3)some amounts of sugar, flour, lemon juice and cinnamon are added. 

4)bake as needed. 

this recipe is vague, and i recognize this. it seems to me that cooking (for the most part) with  an exact recipe is something of a dab. i want the final product to be something of an adventure, not a cloned "this tastes exactly as it did last week" kind of experience. pie should be comfortable, though not expected, familiar but not boring. 

some pie experiments:

apple pie and cheddar cheese- started with a ready made frozen pie, first mistake, but the final product turned out quite well, and was eaten remarkably quickly.

apple pie and bacon- eaten pretty quickly, could have been worse. the bacon on the top was not a cooked as it should have been. next time: pre-cook and chop bacon before adding to mess of apples.

grasshopper pie- recipe from JE's mother. somewhat alcoholy according to some in attendance. 

apple pie with honey- very nice, shouldn't forget the lemon juice and butter next time. 

buttermilk pie- the oh-so-decadent best pie ever pie. always a staple and so easy.

gluten-free crust and apple blueberry pie- crust from hell, and i was only watching it get made, smarvez can attest to the actual difficulty. tasted like beans before being baked. but according to the receiving party all turned out well, and the pie was actually edible.

now if only i could construct some other type of desert with any sort of aptitude all would be well. 

014-021

014: modified Country Bumpkin (3.28.09)
wheat bread, pastrami, tomatoes, avocado, cheddar cheese, salt & vinegar potato chips, mayo, mustard
general:*
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***1/2

015: chicken salad (3.31.09)
Safeway kaiser roll, Safeway chicken salad
general: 1/2
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **1/2

016: tuna (3.31.09)
white bread, chunk light tuna, Pace picante sauce, aged white cheddar cheese
general:
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: 1/2
aesthetics:
total: *1/2

017: chicken salad (4.1.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Safeway chicken salad
general: 1/2
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **1/2

018: peanut butter and jelly (4..2.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **1/2

019: peanut butter and jelly (4.3.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***

020: turkey (4.4.09)
Heidi’s ciabatta bread, turkey, tomatoes, lettuce, chipotle mayonnaise
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **1/2

021: tuna (4.6.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, chunk light tuna, Pace picante sauce
general:
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **

Note that 014 was made by my cousin, who works in a deli, and is in fact his specialty sandwich. It suffered from sub-standard bread (no fresh ciabatta here) and less-than-amazing cheese (plan old Kraft), but other than that it was truly an amazing sandwich. I've never had pastrami before, and I'm not entirely sure I like it enough to consume on a regular basis, but it was a nice departure from the usual poultry-based sandwich meat. I believe the addition of potato chips (salt and vinegar: not my favorite) is the 'modification' to the original Country Bumpkin. After that it has been something of a downhill ride in the sandwich department; I need to branch out, expand and all that. So I've made a list of sandwiches to try:

Reuben -- rye bread, corned beef, sauerkraut, swiss cheese and Thousand Island dressing. Honestly, I'm not very psyched on this sandwich. I do not like sauerkraut, and cured meats (especially corned beef) intimidate me, but this is a classic sandwich and I feel like I need to experience it at least once if I am to call myself a sandwich coneseuer.

Hell's Kitchen -- a Heidi's exclusive consisting of egg salad, bacon, tomatoes and avocado. Not a huge fan of bacon, and sometimes the thought of egg salad makes me gag, but the inclusion of avocado interests me.

Monte Cristo -- french toast, turkey, fruit preserves, mayple syrup, powdered sugar, cheese. Main course or desert, this sandwich scares me. The cacophany of ingredients seems over the top and mildly ridiculous, but the French know a thing or two about food, so I'll give it a go.

The Five Star Hypothesis

While trying to explain the sandwich star system to an uninitiated and uninterested acquaintence, I started to realize what would make a five star sandwich possible. To be clear, the five star sandwich is only hypothetical, but now I know what it would hypothetically take to become a reality. Still with me? Okay:

The guiding principle here is that the sandwich as a whole would not be purchased in a store. Rather, it would be hand crafted out of the absolute finest ingredients available. Unable to be duplicated, essentially. The bread, fresh baked from the best bakery around. The meat, sliced by the most skilled slicer in the land. Same goes for the other ingredients. I want tomatoes that were picked that day, lettuce that is as crisp as lettuce can be. You get the idea. And the ingredients can't slide at all when bites are taken, and the bread can't scratch the roof of my mouth. Simple, really.

Coming up: The Pie Post. All Pie. All Post.

Sandwiches Revised, 008-013

As I have said, the star system is flawed, but I have fixed the problem by setting a gold standard at each level. Example: a Subway or similar sandwich can never earn more than one star, out of principle. Heidi's, which I had previously said was the standard for four-star sandwiches, can gain no more than three and a half stars. So, with that in mind, I have had to down-rate many of the previously eaten sandwiches to ft in this new scale. I have tried to edit those already posted to this blog, and all future sandwiches will adhere to the new standards. And now, a few new sandwiches:

008: peanut butter and jelly (3.18.09)
Orowheat bread, SmartBalance peanut butter, Smuckers raspberry preserves
general:
structural integrity:
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: *

009: peanut butter and jelly (3.19.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **1/2

010: tuna (3.19.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread (toasted), albacore tuna, Pace picante sauce, Lucerne pepper jack cheese
general: *
structural integrity: 1/2
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **1/2

011: turkey (3.20.09)
Subway 9-grain honey oat bread, turkey, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, swiss cheese, mayonnaise
general:
structural integrity
ingredients:
effectiveness: 1/2
aesthetics:
total: 1/2

012: turkey (3.26.09)
Subway 9-grain honey oat bread, turkey, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, swiss cheese, mayonnaise
general:
structural integrity
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: *

013: chicken salad (3.27.09)
Boulevard Cafe French baguette, chicken, salad, tomatoes, capers
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***1/2


013 I purchased in Phoenix, Arizona, and it missed the **** grade only slightly; the bread was a but too hard, and the portion a bit too small. The capers were a nice touch that I wasn't expecting.

004-007

004: turkey (3.13.09)
white bread, turkey, avocado, cheddar cheese, pickles, mayonnaise
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***

005: peanut butter and jelly (3.14.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: ***

006: Southern Sun tuna salad (3.14.09)
oat and wheat bread, tuna, tomatoes, onions, lettuce
general: *
structural integrity:
ingredients:*
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***

007: turkey (3.15.09)
Heidi’s ciabatta bread, turkey, tomatoes, lettuce, chipotle mayonnaise
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***


Though 005 is essentially the same sandwich as 001, for whatever reason it held up better, thus earning the structural integrity star.

007's effectiveness was hindered by the twenty minutes I spent in line waiting to order it. It only received a half star (not sure how to indicate a half star, so 1/2 will have to do) in the aesthetics department because the turkey wasn't evenly distributed over the bread--a majority of it was situated in the center, leaving the sides and ends lacking in the turkey department. Aside from these minor detractors, it was an amazing sandwich. I feel completely comfortable using a properly and timely prepared Hedi's as the standard for four-star sandwiches.

Poor Combinations Installment: Sushi and Pie

I always enjoy unplanned trips to the grocery store. Walking down aisle after aisle instills a sense of limitless possibility for anything from light snacking to serious culinary endeavors. Tonight was no different. I had a crisp $10 bill in my pocket, a movie on pause in the dvd player (The Blob, 1988 remake), and an empty stomach. Since it was Pi Day pie was the top priority. I left King Soopers, an individual piece of “gourmet” blueberry and a nine-piece container of California rolls in my bag. Admittedly, King Soopers was a poor choice to secure top quality specimens of either dish, but time was a crucial factor and Soopers was just down the street. Five California rolls and most of the pie later, the error of my ways manifested itself in a twisting, churning, knot-tying sensation in my stomach. Bad news.

The Pie:
Crust was flimsy, soft, not in the least bit flaky. Gleaming with preservatives. Filling was thick with too much sugar, like gelatinous blueberry candy. It just oozed out of the substandard crust, like a darker colored version of the movie’s antagonist. Everything a good pie shouldn’t be. The opposite of pie. The anti-pie. A supreme disappointment on Pi Day.

The Sushi:
I’m no sushi expert. Not even a sushi aficionado or hobbyist or enthusiast. But I’m pretty sure good sushi shouldn’t taste like a mildly flavored paste. Or come in a pre-packaged plastic container.

Individually, the elements of the meal (though I sincerely hesitate to call it a meal) were lacking, and together they were transformed into a horrible stew inside my stomach, which soon repelled this foreign invader, violently. Okay, so I made up that last part. But the rest, all true. Lesson: no matter how powerful the urge to add pie as a suffix to a meal, it is important not to when sushi (or any kind of seafood, I imagine) is involved. You’ve been warned.

Pie Graph

While sitting in Anthony's Pizza for a somewhat extended lunch break my friend Alex and I noticed a couple, obviously dressed for the office, hauling out something like thirteen pizza pies. Ridic. After some discussion between ours selves, it was decided that the two were not feeding just themselves with the pizza, but an entire office.

Pizzas are fun, it's in their nature. Circles are pretty entertaining in and of themselves. Combine that with lots of cheese and a healthy serving of grease and it's hard not to associate pizza with a good time.

Office parties are not fun, this too is in their nature. Though I've never been to one, I think it's pretty safe to say that it's something that most people wouldn't want to do.

Our conversation went on to combine two of the things I enjoy most: food and graphs.

After much deliberation it was decided that 3 pizzas provided the largest opportunity for having fun, falling somewhere around 50 fun points. On the other end of the scale lays the smaller amounts of pizza. One slice of pie probably means you are sitting in front of a computer eating quickly in order to continue working on something. Less than one pizza laying around implies that last night there were a fun amount of pizzas, but all that is over now so someone is stuck eating the leftovers by themselves.

Surprisingly, eating pizza for a party at work did not bottom out the list. It is thought that even though work parties may suck, they have to be at least a little better than work, so a fun score of 10 is given.

Keep in mind that the time frame of the graph is quite important. If some one say, orders 7 pizzas at two o'clock in the morning chances are they will be enjoying themselves while eating them. What I'm trying to say is: there are a lot of variables not taken into account with this graph, and my word shouldn't be taken as law.

003

003: turkey (3.12.09)
Mr. Goodcent's 12" white bread, turkey, lettuce, tomato, mayonaise, mustard
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***

I'm hesitant to dish out stars for ingredients when the sandwich comes from a shop like Mr. Goodcent's or Subway or Quizno's or whatever. I'd definitely rank Goodcent's above all those other sandwich joints, but I still have a hard time believing the best turkey comes from a huge 15lbs mass of white-ish material. Too, the bread could have been a bit more firm, to add textural contrast. I'm realizing that the effectivness category might be too situational; it really depends on how hungry I am and the size of the sandwich. A refinment of the grading system is underway...

I've never written for a food blog before.
I have a lot of time on my hands that stems from not climbing, so (unfortunately, perhaps) I have been partaking in a lot of food production and consumption. Some things that I have consumed may be of interest:

Today, I ate grits and an egg; Good but not too good, calories for the day ahead and nothing more. Though there is no grading scale associated with grit products (yet) the dish would most likely receive a liberal two stars (**). Though the grits themselves were not amazingly creamy, nor were they remarkably creamy, they were somewhat creamy.

The thing about slimy foods in the morning, and this includes yogurt, most breakfasts cereals, all oatmeals and some fruit based drinks, is the tendency for the consistency to get in the way of the taste. I don't know why this happens, but here's a hypothesis: rotten food tends to be slimy. Rotten food is bad. Slimy food is bad.

Lasterday (ANSNA, 2009), I partook in some pretty horrid food, and slimy too. Grams came over to show off her culinary skills, we were not impressed. Entire meals consisted of canned products, shiny tin container after shiny tin container. Dab, total and complete dab. The following conversation ensued:
Asher: "Nothing she makes is fresh"
Ronald(father unit): "What do you know about fresh foods?"
Asher: "I eat vegetables so rarely that they'd better be fresh and I wouldn't eat those vegetables."
That's saying a lot coming from a meat eating, candy consuming, soda (pop) drinking 14 year old. Moral of the story, not all grandmothers can cook, and some shouldn't be allowed to come near the kitchen. Also, food blogging is tough.

001, 002

001: peanut butter and jelly (3.11.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general:*
structural integrity:
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **

002: tuna (3.11.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread (toasted), Starkissed lemon-pepper tuna, Pace picante sauce, Lucerne pepper jack cheese
general:
structural integrity:
ingredients: *
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **



The grading system needs some work; originally sandwich 002 received three stars even though it was most certainly two. An interesting note on sandwich 001: it gets a star for ingredients but not structural integrity. If I were to have used regular Skippy peanut butter a star would have been awarded for structural integrity but not for ingredients. Though the Adams is healthier and a higher quality product than Skippy, it doesn't hold up as well over time and is generally less stable than Skippy. 002 suffered from its necessity--I always have tuna after working out and I really wanted a pizza instead.

The Sandwich Journal

Yesterday I decided to keep a log of the next one hundred sandwiches I eat. Furthermore, I decided to grade each sandwich on a five-star scale. Below is the first draft of the grading criteria.

The scale: zero to five stars. The five star rating is hypothetical; a five-star sandwich would be so good that you could never eat another sandwich again. Conversely, a zero-star sandwich would be so bad that you would have been better off not eating it. Half stars are awarded only under certain circumstances.

Grading criteria: Sandwiches are graded in five categories: general feelings, structural integrity, ingredients, effectiveness, and aesthetics. Each category has five sub-categories. If a sandwich wins three or more of the five sub-categories, a star is awarded for the parent category.

General:
satisfaction - did the sandwich leave you satisfied in a non-hunger-related manner?
desire - did you seek the sandwich out or settle on it for lack of other options?
taste - how did the sandwich taste?
improvement - could the sandwich easily have been made better?
quality - was the sandwich constructed with attention to overall quality?

Structural Integrity:
durability - does the sandwich hold its form on its own while being eaten?
portability - can the sandwich be taken places other than its place of birth?
sustainability - does the sandwich remain durable over time?
survivability - can the sandwich survive rough transportation conditions?
containment - is the sandwich self-contained or does it fall apart as it’s eaten?

Ingredients:
quality - are the ingredients superior to any other options?
teamwork - do the ingredients compliment each other?
uniqueness - are the ingredients unique to this one sandwich?
simplicity - are the ingredients classically/tastefully simple?
freshness - are the ingredients in their prime?

Effectiveness:
ease of eating - was the sandwich easy to eat?
fulfilling - did the sandwich meet your hunger needs?
cleanup - did the sandwich require any cleanup?
time - was the sandwich procured in a reasonable amount of time?
stand alone - does the sandwich work by itself, or does it require additional products?

Aesthetics:
exterior - does the outside of the sandwich look appealing?
interior - do the inner ingredients look appealing?
presentation - is the sandwich presented in an interesting/unique/appealing manner?
size - is the size of the sandwich manageable/desirable?
shape - is the shape of the sandwich manageable/desirable?


It still needs some work--I think some of the categories are too lenient. I imagine aesthetics will be the hardest category to achieve a star in.