The Bagel Debate

Bagels are good food. This is not up for debate. Circular foods are pretty wonderful, and a bagel is circular in two dimensions. Wrap your mind around that. The method in which one eats a bagel, however, is a curious topic. Specifically, when a bagel has been cut in half, to promote the application of some sort of flavored spread, which half should be eaten first? Or should the two halves be re-assembled and eaten as a whole? To clarify, I consider the bottom of the bagel to be the side that contacts the pan when baked, and the top to be the more rounded, non-pan-contacted side.

Personally, I think one should eat the bottom first. The top is probably the best side of the bagel. More circular, more distinctly shaped. More importantly, it is completely untouched and unaltered by contact with the baking pan and is therefore more pure. The bottom, yeah, it's still good, but it's got that flatness to it, which is something like a flag waved in defiance of true bageldom. By eating the top first you experience all the bagel has to offer too soon and have nowhere to go--there is no progression to the meal. However, if you eat the bottom first, you get to experience the taste of the bagel, but still have the more aesthetically pleasing half to eat, thus concluding your meal with the best the bagel has to offer; it is a logical progression. And progression is a key element to fine dining.

Putting the halves back together and eating them as a whole, though, that's no good. It's a desperate act to finish the meal quickly. Maybe you're out the door and in your car and on the highway and can't be bothered with separate halves so you smash them together and shove the chewy bread roll down your throat without any though, any ritual. No, if you are going to take the time to separate a bagel into two pieces, spread some delightful spread over their exposed interiors, then you can take the time to eat them individually, to give each of them a chance to show you what they've got. Unless, of course, you've made a sandwich out of your bagel...but that is a discussion for another time.