While trying to explain the sandwich star system to an uninitiated and uninterested acquaintence, I started to realize what would make a five star sandwich possible. To be clear, the five star sandwich is only hypothetical, but now I know what it would hypothetically take to become a reality. Still with me? Okay:
The guiding principle here is that the sandwich as a whole would not be purchased in a store. Rather, it would be hand crafted out of the absolute finest ingredients available. Unable to be duplicated, essentially. The bread, fresh baked from the best bakery around. The meat, sliced by the most skilled slicer in the land. Same goes for the other ingredients. I want tomatoes that were picked that day, lettuce that is as crisp as lettuce can be. You get the idea. And the ingredients can't slide at all when bites are taken, and the bread can't scratch the roof of my mouth. Simple, really.
Coming up: The Pie Post. All Pie. All Post.
3.27.2009
Sandwiches Revised, 008-013
As I have said, the star system is flawed, but I have fixed the problem by setting a gold standard at each level. Example: a Subway or similar sandwich can never earn more than one star, out of principle. Heidi's, which I had previously said was the standard for four-star sandwiches, can gain no more than three and a half stars. So, with that in mind, I have had to down-rate many of the previously eaten sandwiches to ft in this new scale. I have tried to edit those already posted to this blog, and all future sandwiches will adhere to the new standards. And now, a few new sandwiches:
008: peanut butter and jelly (3.18.09)
Orowheat bread, SmartBalance peanut butter, Smuckers raspberry preserves
general:
structural integrity:
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: *
009: peanut butter and jelly (3.19.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **1/2
010: tuna (3.19.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread (toasted), albacore tuna, Pace picante sauce, Lucerne pepper jack cheese
general: *
structural integrity: 1/2
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **1/2
011: turkey (3.20.09)
Subway 9-grain honey oat bread, turkey, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, swiss cheese, mayonnaise
general:
structural integrity
ingredients:
effectiveness: 1/2
aesthetics:
total: 1/2
012: turkey (3.26.09)
Subway 9-grain honey oat bread, turkey, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, swiss cheese, mayonnaise
general:
structural integrity
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: *
013: chicken salad (3.27.09)
Boulevard Cafe French baguette, chicken, salad, tomatoes, capers
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***1/2
013 I purchased in Phoenix, Arizona, and it missed the **** grade only slightly; the bread was a but too hard, and the portion a bit too small. The capers were a nice touch that I wasn't expecting.
008: peanut butter and jelly (3.18.09)
Orowheat bread, SmartBalance peanut butter, Smuckers raspberry preserves
general:
structural integrity:
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: *
009: peanut butter and jelly (3.19.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **1/2
010: tuna (3.19.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread (toasted), albacore tuna, Pace picante sauce, Lucerne pepper jack cheese
general: *
structural integrity: 1/2
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **1/2
011: turkey (3.20.09)
Subway 9-grain honey oat bread, turkey, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, swiss cheese, mayonnaise
general:
structural integrity
ingredients:
effectiveness: 1/2
aesthetics:
total: 1/2
012: turkey (3.26.09)
Subway 9-grain honey oat bread, turkey, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, swiss cheese, mayonnaise
general:
structural integrity
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: *
013: chicken salad (3.27.09)
Boulevard Cafe French baguette, chicken, salad, tomatoes, capers
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***1/2
013 I purchased in Phoenix, Arizona, and it missed the **** grade only slightly; the bread was a but too hard, and the portion a bit too small. The capers were a nice touch that I wasn't expecting.
3.16.2009
004-007
004: turkey (3.13.09)
white bread, turkey, avocado, cheddar cheese, pickles, mayonnaise
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***
005: peanut butter and jelly (3.14.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: ***
006: Southern Sun tuna salad (3.14.09)
oat and wheat bread, tuna, tomatoes, onions, lettuce
general: *
structural integrity:
ingredients:*
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***
007: turkey (3.15.09)
Heidi’s ciabatta bread, turkey, tomatoes, lettuce, chipotle mayonnaise
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***
Though 005 is essentially the same sandwich as 001, for whatever reason it held up better, thus earning the structural integrity star.
007's effectiveness was hindered by the twenty minutes I spent in line waiting to order it. It only received a half star (not sure how to indicate a half star, so 1/2 will have to do) in the aesthetics department because the turkey wasn't evenly distributed over the bread--a majority of it was situated in the center, leaving the sides and ends lacking in the turkey department. Aside from these minor detractors, it was an amazing sandwich. I feel completely comfortable using a properly and timely prepared Hedi's as the standard for four-star sandwiches.
white bread, turkey, avocado, cheddar cheese, pickles, mayonnaise
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***
005: peanut butter and jelly (3.14.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: ***
006: Southern Sun tuna salad (3.14.09)
oat and wheat bread, tuna, tomatoes, onions, lettuce
general: *
structural integrity:
ingredients:*
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***
007: turkey (3.15.09)
Heidi’s ciabatta bread, turkey, tomatoes, lettuce, chipotle mayonnaise
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients: 1/2
effectiveness:
aesthetics: 1/2
total: ***
Though 005 is essentially the same sandwich as 001, for whatever reason it held up better, thus earning the structural integrity star.
007's effectiveness was hindered by the twenty minutes I spent in line waiting to order it. It only received a half star (not sure how to indicate a half star, so 1/2 will have to do) in the aesthetics department because the turkey wasn't evenly distributed over the bread--a majority of it was situated in the center, leaving the sides and ends lacking in the turkey department. Aside from these minor detractors, it was an amazing sandwich. I feel completely comfortable using a properly and timely prepared Hedi's as the standard for four-star sandwiches.
3.14.2009
Poor Combinations Installment: Sushi and Pie
I always enjoy unplanned trips to the grocery store. Walking down aisle after aisle instills a sense of limitless possibility for anything from light snacking to serious culinary endeavors. Tonight was no different. I had a crisp $10 bill in my pocket, a movie on pause in the dvd player (The Blob, 1988 remake), and an empty stomach. Since it was Pi Day pie was the top priority. I left King Soopers, an individual piece of “gourmet” blueberry and a nine-piece container of California rolls in my bag. Admittedly, King Soopers was a poor choice to secure top quality specimens of either dish, but time was a crucial factor and Soopers was just down the street. Five California rolls and most of the pie later, the error of my ways manifested itself in a twisting, churning, knot-tying sensation in my stomach. Bad news.
The Pie:
Crust was flimsy, soft, not in the least bit flaky. Gleaming with preservatives. Filling was thick with too much sugar, like gelatinous blueberry candy. It just oozed out of the substandard crust, like a darker colored version of the movie’s antagonist. Everything a good pie shouldn’t be. The opposite of pie. The anti-pie. A supreme disappointment on Pi Day.
The Sushi:
I’m no sushi expert. Not even a sushi aficionado or hobbyist or enthusiast. But I’m pretty sure good sushi shouldn’t taste like a mildly flavored paste. Or come in a pre-packaged plastic container.
Individually, the elements of the meal (though I sincerely hesitate to call it a meal) were lacking, and together they were transformed into a horrible stew inside my stomach, which soon repelled this foreign invader, violently. Okay, so I made up that last part. But the rest, all true. Lesson: no matter how powerful the urge to add pie as a suffix to a meal, it is important not to when sushi (or any kind of seafood, I imagine) is involved. You’ve been warned.
The Pie:
Crust was flimsy, soft, not in the least bit flaky. Gleaming with preservatives. Filling was thick with too much sugar, like gelatinous blueberry candy. It just oozed out of the substandard crust, like a darker colored version of the movie’s antagonist. Everything a good pie shouldn’t be. The opposite of pie. The anti-pie. A supreme disappointment on Pi Day.
The Sushi:
I’m no sushi expert. Not even a sushi aficionado or hobbyist or enthusiast. But I’m pretty sure good sushi shouldn’t taste like a mildly flavored paste. Or come in a pre-packaged plastic container.
Individually, the elements of the meal (though I sincerely hesitate to call it a meal) were lacking, and together they were transformed into a horrible stew inside my stomach, which soon repelled this foreign invader, violently. Okay, so I made up that last part. But the rest, all true. Lesson: no matter how powerful the urge to add pie as a suffix to a meal, it is important not to when sushi (or any kind of seafood, I imagine) is involved. You’ve been warned.
3.13.2009
Pie Graph
While sitting in Anthony's Pizza for a somewhat extended lunch break my friend Alex and I noticed a couple, obviously dressed for the office, hauling out something like thirteen pizza pies. Ridic. After some discussion between ours selves, it was decided that the two were not feeding just themselves with the pizza, but an entire office.Pizzas are fun, it's in their nature. Circles are pretty entertaining in and of themselves. Combine that with lots of cheese and a healthy serving of grease and it's hard not to associate pizza with a good time.
Office parties are not fun, this too is in their nature. Though I've never been to one, I think it's pretty safe to say that it's something that most people wouldn't want to do.
Our conversation went on to combine two of the things I enjoy most: food and graphs.
After much deliberation it was decided that 3 pizzas provided the largest opportunity for having fun, falling somewhere around 50 fun points. On the other end of the scale lays the smaller amounts of pizza. One slice of pie probably means you are sitting in front of a computer eating quickly in order to continue working on something. Less than one pizza laying around implies that last night there were a fun amount of pizzas, but all that is over now so someone is stuck eating the leftovers by themselves.
Surprisingly, eating pizza for a party at work did not bottom out the list. It is thought that even though work parties may suck, they have to be at least a little better than work, so a fun score of 10 is given.
Keep in mind that the time frame of the graph is quite important. If some one say, orders 7 pizzas at two o'clock in the morning chances are they will be enjoying themselves while eating them. What I'm trying to say is: there are a lot of variables not taken into account with this graph, and my word shouldn't be taken as law.
3.12.2009
003
003: turkey (3.12.09)
Mr. Goodcent's 12" white bread, turkey, lettuce, tomato, mayonaise, mustard
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***
I'm hesitant to dish out stars for ingredients when the sandwich comes from a shop like Mr. Goodcent's or Subway or Quizno's or whatever. I'd definitely rank Goodcent's above all those other sandwich joints, but I still have a hard time believing the best turkey comes from a huge 15lbs mass of white-ish material. Too, the bread could have been a bit more firm, to add textural contrast. I'm realizing that the effectivness category might be too situational; it really depends on how hungry I am and the size of the sandwich. A refinment of the grading system is underway...
Mr. Goodcent's 12" white bread, turkey, lettuce, tomato, mayonaise, mustard
general: *
structural integrity: *
ingredients:
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: ***
I'm hesitant to dish out stars for ingredients when the sandwich comes from a shop like Mr. Goodcent's or Subway or Quizno's or whatever. I'd definitely rank Goodcent's above all those other sandwich joints, but I still have a hard time believing the best turkey comes from a huge 15lbs mass of white-ish material. Too, the bread could have been a bit more firm, to add textural contrast. I'm realizing that the effectivness category might be too situational; it really depends on how hungry I am and the size of the sandwich. A refinment of the grading system is underway...
I've never written for a food blog before.
I have a lot of time on my hands that stems from not climbing, so (unfortunately, perhaps) I have been partaking in a lot of food production and consumption. Some things that I have consumed may be of interest:
Today, I ate grits and an egg; Good but not too good, calories for the day ahead and nothing more. Though there is no grading scale associated with grit products (yet) the dish would most likely receive a liberal two stars (**). Though the grits themselves were not amazingly creamy, nor were they remarkably creamy, they were somewhat creamy.
The thing about slimy foods in the morning, and this includes yogurt, most breakfasts cereals, all oatmeals and some fruit based drinks, is the tendency for the consistency to get in the way of the taste. I don't know why this happens, but here's a hypothesis: rotten food tends to be slimy. Rotten food is bad. Slimy food is bad.
Lasterday (ANSNA, 2009), I partook in some pretty horrid food, and slimy too. Grams came over to show off her culinary skills, we were not impressed. Entire meals consisted of canned products, shiny tin container after shiny tin container. Dab, total and complete dab. The following conversation ensued:
Asher: "Nothing she makes is fresh"
Ronald(father unit): "What do you know about fresh foods?"
Asher: "I eat vegetables so rarely that they'd better be fresh and I wouldn't eat those vegetables."
That's saying a lot coming from a meat eating, candy consuming, soda (pop) drinking 14 year old. Moral of the story, not all grandmothers can cook, and some shouldn't be allowed to come near the kitchen. Also, food blogging is tough.
I have a lot of time on my hands that stems from not climbing, so (unfortunately, perhaps) I have been partaking in a lot of food production and consumption. Some things that I have consumed may be of interest:
Today, I ate grits and an egg; Good but not too good, calories for the day ahead and nothing more. Though there is no grading scale associated with grit products (yet) the dish would most likely receive a liberal two stars (**). Though the grits themselves were not amazingly creamy, nor were they remarkably creamy, they were somewhat creamy.
The thing about slimy foods in the morning, and this includes yogurt, most breakfasts cereals, all oatmeals and some fruit based drinks, is the tendency for the consistency to get in the way of the taste. I don't know why this happens, but here's a hypothesis: rotten food tends to be slimy. Rotten food is bad. Slimy food is bad.
Lasterday (ANSNA, 2009), I partook in some pretty horrid food, and slimy too. Grams came over to show off her culinary skills, we were not impressed. Entire meals consisted of canned products, shiny tin container after shiny tin container. Dab, total and complete dab. The following conversation ensued:
Asher: "Nothing she makes is fresh"
Ronald(father unit): "What do you know about fresh foods?"
Asher: "I eat vegetables so rarely that they'd better be fresh and I wouldn't eat those vegetables."
That's saying a lot coming from a meat eating, candy consuming, soda (pop) drinking 14 year old. Moral of the story, not all grandmothers can cook, and some shouldn't be allowed to come near the kitchen. Also, food blogging is tough.
001, 002
001: peanut butter and jelly (3.11.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general:*
structural integrity:
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **
002: tuna (3.11.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread (toasted), Starkissed lemon-pepper tuna, Pace picante sauce, Lucerne pepper jack cheese
general:
structural integrity:
ingredients: *
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **
The grading system needs some work; originally sandwich 002 received three stars even though it was most certainly two. An interesting note on sandwich 001: it gets a star for ingredients but not structural integrity. If I were to have used regular Skippy peanut butter a star would have been awarded for structural integrity but not for ingredients. Though the Adams is healthier and a higher quality product than Skippy, it doesn't hold up as well over time and is generally less stable than Skippy. 002 suffered from its necessity--I always have tuna after working out and I really wanted a pizza instead.
Safeway Select 15-grain bread, Adams all-natural peanut butter, Safeway Select raspberry preserves
general:*
structural integrity:
ingredients: *
effectiveness:
aesthetics:
total: **
002: tuna (3.11.09)
Safeway Select 15-grain bread (toasted), Starkissed lemon-pepper tuna, Pace picante sauce, Lucerne pepper jack cheese
general:
structural integrity:
ingredients: *
effectiveness: *
aesthetics:
total: **
The grading system needs some work; originally sandwich 002 received three stars even though it was most certainly two. An interesting note on sandwich 001: it gets a star for ingredients but not structural integrity. If I were to have used regular Skippy peanut butter a star would have been awarded for structural integrity but not for ingredients. Though the Adams is healthier and a higher quality product than Skippy, it doesn't hold up as well over time and is generally less stable than Skippy. 002 suffered from its necessity--I always have tuna after working out and I really wanted a pizza instead.
The Sandwich Journal
Yesterday I decided to keep a log of the next one hundred sandwiches I eat. Furthermore, I decided to grade each sandwich on a five-star scale. Below is the first draft of the grading criteria.
The scale: zero to five stars. The five star rating is hypothetical; a five-star sandwich would be so good that you could never eat another sandwich again. Conversely, a zero-star sandwich would be so bad that you would have been better off not eating it. Half stars are awarded only under certain circumstances.
Grading criteria: Sandwiches are graded in five categories: general feelings, structural integrity, ingredients, effectiveness, and aesthetics. Each category has five sub-categories. If a sandwich wins three or more of the five sub-categories, a star is awarded for the parent category.
General:
satisfaction - did the sandwich leave you satisfied in a non-hunger-related manner?
desire - did you seek the sandwich out or settle on it for lack of other options?
taste - how did the sandwich taste?
improvement - could the sandwich easily have been made better?
quality - was the sandwich constructed with attention to overall quality?
Structural Integrity:
durability - does the sandwich hold its form on its own while being eaten?
portability - can the sandwich be taken places other than its place of birth?
sustainability - does the sandwich remain durable over time?
survivability - can the sandwich survive rough transportation conditions?
containment - is the sandwich self-contained or does it fall apart as it’s eaten?
Ingredients:
quality - are the ingredients superior to any other options?
teamwork - do the ingredients compliment each other?
uniqueness - are the ingredients unique to this one sandwich?
simplicity - are the ingredients classically/tastefully simple?
freshness - are the ingredients in their prime?
Effectiveness:
ease of eating - was the sandwich easy to eat?
fulfilling - did the sandwich meet your hunger needs?
cleanup - did the sandwich require any cleanup?
time - was the sandwich procured in a reasonable amount of time?
stand alone - does the sandwich work by itself, or does it require additional products?
Aesthetics:
exterior - does the outside of the sandwich look appealing?
interior - do the inner ingredients look appealing?
presentation - is the sandwich presented in an interesting/unique/appealing manner?
size - is the size of the sandwich manageable/desirable?
shape - is the shape of the sandwich manageable/desirable?
It still needs some work--I think some of the categories are too lenient. I imagine aesthetics will be the hardest category to achieve a star in.
The scale: zero to five stars. The five star rating is hypothetical; a five-star sandwich would be so good that you could never eat another sandwich again. Conversely, a zero-star sandwich would be so bad that you would have been better off not eating it. Half stars are awarded only under certain circumstances.
Grading criteria: Sandwiches are graded in five categories: general feelings, structural integrity, ingredients, effectiveness, and aesthetics. Each category has five sub-categories. If a sandwich wins three or more of the five sub-categories, a star is awarded for the parent category.
General:
satisfaction - did the sandwich leave you satisfied in a non-hunger-related manner?
desire - did you seek the sandwich out or settle on it for lack of other options?
taste - how did the sandwich taste?
improvement - could the sandwich easily have been made better?
quality - was the sandwich constructed with attention to overall quality?
Structural Integrity:
durability - does the sandwich hold its form on its own while being eaten?
portability - can the sandwich be taken places other than its place of birth?
sustainability - does the sandwich remain durable over time?
survivability - can the sandwich survive rough transportation conditions?
containment - is the sandwich self-contained or does it fall apart as it’s eaten?
Ingredients:
quality - are the ingredients superior to any other options?
teamwork - do the ingredients compliment each other?
uniqueness - are the ingredients unique to this one sandwich?
simplicity - are the ingredients classically/tastefully simple?
freshness - are the ingredients in their prime?
Effectiveness:
ease of eating - was the sandwich easy to eat?
fulfilling - did the sandwich meet your hunger needs?
cleanup - did the sandwich require any cleanup?
time - was the sandwich procured in a reasonable amount of time?
stand alone - does the sandwich work by itself, or does it require additional products?
Aesthetics:
exterior - does the outside of the sandwich look appealing?
interior - do the inner ingredients look appealing?
presentation - is the sandwich presented in an interesting/unique/appealing manner?
size - is the size of the sandwich manageable/desirable?
shape - is the shape of the sandwich manageable/desirable?
It still needs some work--I think some of the categories are too lenient. I imagine aesthetics will be the hardest category to achieve a star in.
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